santa baby

happy new year, my friends! i hope 2010 is a year full of joy, excitement, and love for each of you.

in true fashion, the holidays have certainly been busy. last weekend i managed to sneak away from the office for a few days to spend christmas in arkansas with my family...and my gf. the gf, who has never really celebrated christmas in her family, was inaugurated into the blissful chaos of my family at christmas. after hearing horror story upon horror story of christmases past, i finally felt that her unbridled exuberance was tempered enough to brace her for any sudden shitstorms. my family, my grandmother and mother especially, have pulled some serious shenanigans in the past, for which i usually pay the price as the one caught in the middle. i just didn't want her to be caught offguard should such a display break out.

after much fretting, we arrived on christmas eve only to discover that my gf was a natural with my family. she charmed them all--even my cantankerous grandmother. she maintained her enthusiasm and documented the whole thing with the camera i got her for christmas. she asked my grandmother about every knick-knack, played with my cousins, gushed over how delicious the christmas dinner was, helped clean up after meals, talked cameras and motorcycles with my stepdad, and teased me enough to make my mother laugh without actually hurting my feelings. in a word, she was perfect.

this year's christmas, despite some noted absences (my brother in particular, who spent his christmas buried under four feet of snow in nebraska with his fiancee), was one of the best in a while. we laughed and joked, ate until we hurt, and i have to confess that it was nice that everyone complimented my much-healthier appearance. even my uncle said "hey skinny!" when i walked in. that made me feel really good.

when my stepdad lost his job a couple of months ago, i stopped hoping for the somewhat extravagant gift i had asked for. because i just knew that a guitar was too expensive on their now much-tighter budget, i expected something small, and had contented myself with the idea of starting voice lessons again in the new year. i've been lacking passion and focus, and usually having some sort of musical practice on which i can focus helps other aspects of my life seem less murky, too. so i was shocked and a little irritated when mom and everette gave me picks and a can with "Tips" written on it. when everette went to get his guitar from its holder, though, to "just show me how to hold one, in case i ever do get a guitar," i knew something was up. that didn't look like everette's guitar at all...because it was mine!!!! i was so excited, and continue to be so excited, that i can barely stand it. i can't wait to start lessons. even though i could teach myself to play, i like the idea of having some structure to my learning process that will help me stick with it. i just might be a folk singer yet. :) and of course, abby caught this all on camera (pictures to come, i'm sure).

for all its beauty, this christmas was also bittersweet. i just don't know how many more christmases, especially good christmases, i will get to spend with my grandparents. they are so feeble anymore. abby and i spent a little time looking at the obligatory baby book, and i came across this great picture of my pappaw and me asleep in a rocking chair, me with my curly hair and footy-pajamas, and pappaw holding a can of cheez-balls (the bite-size cousin of the cheez-puff). that was christmas when i was three, i think, 23 years ago, at my grandparents' cabin on the lake. i spent some time at my grandparents' house the night before i flew back to boston, and i held my guitar so my grandfather could strum it with his good hand. i couldn't help but think that those few short moments are likely to be some of the last sweet memories i have with him. that made me think of the picture, and i told pappaw about it. he said, "those times went by too fast, didn't they?" i said "yeah, pappaw, they sure did," and turned my face away. i had to leave shortly thereafter, because i couldn't fight the tears. i cried that night and pretty much all the way home the next day as the memories washed over me, wave upon wave. it was such a touching way to round out christmas, reveling in the sweet nostalgia of family holidays when my grandparents were well and happy. i hadn't really thought much about all the funny, sad, shared memories my family keeps until i shared them with my partner. that, too, was a great christmas gift.

more soon. be well!